"Yo man! Where's my Bobby Brown album?"

'I'd lick the bottom of that shoe."

"HOW TO OWN A PET WOLF, eHOW.COM"

"Sometimes poop is too big to go down the toilet and you have to cut it up"

"I need me a girlfriend that jukes."

"I'm just a young cub in need of a cougar."

"I COULD NIBBLE ON SOME BRAD."

"IF I COULD GET A BABY GIRL TO GIVE BIRTH TO A KUATO, I WOULD BE A HAPPY FATHER ."

"I'm just gonna watch baby chinchillas"

"I've decided I hate baby owls."

When asked what he would do if the planet was going to collide with another planet, Scrimp replies, "I would cuddle with a lion."

"WE SHOULD PARTY WITH SOME SEX OFFENDERS THIS WEEKEND."

"I CAN SAY ANYTHING NOW. YOU JUST HAVE TO PUT A FUNNY PICTURE ON IT."

"You wanna nibble on this sugar baby gurrrl?"

"Here's the nipples!"

"Someday I'm gonna find a baby in that dumpster and I'm gonna take care of it for the rest of its life."

"I need a pen. Not to use, but to stir with."

"I'm gonna decorate my apartment like Bin Laden's den."

"THEY JUST GIVE ME THEIR NUMBERS...I COULD KILL THEM!!"

"THEY SHOULD MAKE CONCENTRATION CAMPS FOR STRIPPERS. THEY'RE FILTH"

"Milwaukee mama wants a windy city slam and Lynn wants to lock me up in her coke den. "

"Want to watch Rosanne with me sometime?"

"Hi. I'm a laid back kinda guy, but I have a repulsive gouge on my index finger that may be infected as I rebel against modern medicine."