I have man feet.

"Now there's a thrust I can trust."

"Chamber folk deserve to be able to watch their dried peas hydrate"

"Who wants to come over and watch the Tonya Harding porno? It's a screening."

(In reference to Jean Claude Van Damme's ass) "His turds must be beautiful."

"I'm gonna have my honeymoon at Auschwitz"

Every midget has the same area code.

"I jerked off to a Unicorn, it's a wierd life"

"Like back to the future with all the incests"

"Google toe rings..."

I feel like I've been nibblin' on a cat turd.

"STARTING TO FEEL THE WHITE GUILT. IN PILSEN. I AM"

"I'M SO GOTH, I TAN BY MOONLIGHT...FACT."

"I can't wait until I'm schizophrenic and homeless. It'll be the longest vacation."

"Dude, I love tripping off sleep deprivation."

"I need to tan my eyelids."

"Why did I fall in love with a stalker?"

"GIVE THAT HO A PIZZA ROLL"

"I washed my face with honey the other day."

"I HAD A REALLY FUNNY CONVERSATION WITH A VIETNAMESE MAN YESTERDAY"

"You ever put Tums in vodka?"

"I LEARNED HOW TO WRITE IN PRISON."

"Two questions: Do you have any tattoos of anchors? And what is your choice of hot sauce?"

"I HAPPEN TO LOVE SEAMEN."

"I LOVE RUSSIAN BABY GURLS!"

"IF I WAS A BEAUTIFUL WHITE HORSE, I WOULDN'T GIVE UP."

"I LOVE ALBINOS, SO WHAT?"

"THIS FULL MOON HAS GOT MY EMOTIONS ALL STIRRED UP."

"Where's my Scrimp-cess?"

"When I was 14, my dick was HUGE"

"Well, I have half a couch now."

"It's the right thing to do, ya know, pay for your electricity."

"Alex be my step-dad, check out my mom."

"EITHER GO BACK TO SALES OR MASSAGE MY BACK BOY."

"I love staring at families I don't belong to."

"THEY FINALLY SHUT MY POWER OFF, CAUSE I HAVEN'T PAID FOR IT FOR 10 MONTHS."

"GET WITH THE PROGRAM, I'M EATING YOGURT WITH A FORK!"

"You don't name your poops before you flush 'em? C'mon you guys!"

"I'M GONNA NAME MY FIRST BORN SON REEBOK."

"I made out with a cat, and my tongue's all raw now."

"I've been watching Dinosaurs" -On Hulu?- "No, I own the DVDs."